You don’t need emotional baggage

I travel quite a lot and have learned to pack as little as possible. You don’t want to worry over too much baggage at the airport or struggling to carry it all around.

Unfortunately, there are many people who struggle under the weight of their emotional baggage every day. Are you one of them? Feeling negative, bitter and angry because of the petrol price which is up again or your colleague that was promoted instead of you last week? Maybe you are still holding a grudge because someone broke your heart 10 years ago.

You have all the anger, resentment, grievances and unfairness neatly packed into various bags in your heart and mind. Wherever you go you tag them all along. Every now and again you unpack all the emotional hurt, just to make sure it is still there and just to remind yourself to not trust anybody, to not take chances, to not allow yourself to be happy. Remember what happened the last time?

If you harbour ill feelings against someone it has a devastating effect on you and not on the other person. Anger and bitterness can change a person so much that you no longer feel and act as yourself.

A person full of hatred or anger can never be happy. They tend to be very lonely because they don’t trust anybody, and they push people away from them.

Physically these negative emotions can damage your body to such an extent that you become ill. Your body reacts unconsciously to emotion and this disrupts the normal balance and flow of blood in your body which leads to heart disease, headaches, ulcers and a wide variety of diseases.

Doctors, and the statistics of medical societies, have determined that 60 – 90% of all physical illnesses are attributable to emotional causes, of which anger and fear, are the two main culprits.

Emotions such as anger swell the blood vessels so that there is an abnormal flow of blood to the head. The skull is a fixed structure that cannot expand and thus you can get severe headaches.

It also affects your physical appearance. People with a lot of emotional baggage tend to frown more and smile less. They walk as if they carry the weight of the world on their shoulders.

To be happy again and live a fulfilled life, you have to let all your hurt, pain, anger, bitterness and feelings of unfairness go. For many this can feel like an almost impossible thing to do. For their pain has become their identity. The only hold they have on life is through the negative emotions.
Do you have that feeling? Maybe you are grieving the loss of a loved one. You feel that you cannot let go of the pain, less you forget. You hold on to the regrets, the pain, the longing, for somehow it feels like you are keeping that person alive.

Please listen to me. Your loved one will not want you to suffer so much. They would want you to move on, to be happy, to live life to the fullest. If you believe in the after life like I do, think of the time you will be reunited with the one you have lost. What do you think he/she wants to hear? That you have spend your remaining years on earth crying all the time, alone and miserable? Or would he/she want to hear of all the great things you did, the people you have met, all the joy you had? If the roles were reversed, would you have wanted your loved ones to be unhappy and miserable for the rest of their lives, just because you have left this earth?

Write all the feelings of hurt, grief, anger and misery on a piece of paper. All of it. Unpack that suitcase. And then burn it. Start over on a new page. Get a new diary so to speak and start filling it with all the things you are grateful for. Remember the good memories, let go of the bad. Retrain your brain to think positive thoughts. If you feel like you are starting to dwell on the loss again, stop, and focus on something positive. Go out and do something. Play with your dog. Go and have a coffee in the Mall. Call a friend. Just get out and do something!

If you are angry at someone or even hate someone for whatever reason, the only person it has a negative effect on is you. The person you are angry with is going on with his/her day-to-day life without giving you a second thought, while you are thinking of how angry you are and how bad that person is all the time. You are giving the person you dislike a hold on you!

You have to forgive and forget. In our anger, that is the last thing we want to hear. Unfortunately, that is the only way you will ever be free of the anger. Unpack your anger suitcase for the last time. Face all the negative emotions. Then, unclench your fists, breathe deeply and say goodbye to them. Say it out loud… “I am furious, angry, bitter and full of resentment because (fill in the person’s name”) has hurt/misled/misused (or whatever he/she has done) me on (fill in the date). It was not right. It was unfair, but I am tired of being angry. I want to be free again. Happy again. Therefore, (fill in the name again) I am setting myself free of you and what you did. I forgive you. I am not going to harbour these ill feelings anymore. From today, I am going to focus on being grateful for what I have, and I am going to focus on positive things and thoughts. I am going to live again. I am free!”

Make a list of all the positive things you want to do. Start keeping a diary where you write down every day what you are thankful for and all the positive things in your life. Even if it is that you had a warm cup of coffee or a hot shower. The more you do this, the more things you will find.

Re-programme your brain to focus on the good things again. It might take months of telling yourself every day “I am not angry anymore. I am happy. I am grateful. Today is going to be a great day”, but just keep on doing it and you will start seeing and feeling a difference.

Like most things in life, you shouldn’t have to struggle with all these negative emotions on your own. If you have a close friend or relative that you trust, share your feelings and the process with that person. Ask him/her to help you to stay on the positive track towards a life free of anger and resentment. If you don’t have such a person, look for a forum or support group online.

Should you be at a point where all the negative emotions are too hard for you to handle and you don’t know how to get rid of them, please call in the help of a professional. Life Line is available 24/7. Call them on 0861 322 322 or get help through your medical aid, church or a private psychologist.

Get rid of that negative mentality and set your mind for victory!